VISIT TO THE SHRINK © John R Nolan  10/2/07

Went to the ‘Shrink’, the day before next,

Told her I was mad, asked if she took cheques;

But what did I care, this is just a game,

Tomorrow is here, all things are the same.

She said to sit down, or stand if I like;

“I’ve got some new pill, would you please try it?

“Some new, slick green pills, with vertical stripes,

Pills that will go well, with junk food diets.”

“It’s inside your head,” she said, with a smile,

“Tomorrow is coming, but just for a trial;

To see if you like it, or maybe not quite,

In which case please panic, give some one a bite.”

“But don’t bite too hard, they may just bite back;

In fact cannibals, may have you for a snack.

But if they attack, tell them you are quite mad,

The pills you are taking will make them feel bad.”

“Yes pills are not tasty; they will make you sick,

Unless you’re not caring, or thick as a brick;

Chemicals are not, the things we should eat,

They’re not only harmful, but often too sweet.”

She asked, “Do you have, those erectile fears?”

With a sarcastic smile, the hint of a sneer.

“We have pills for that, as everything else,

Sadly not all pills are good for your health.”

“Lie down on the couch, be calm and relax,

Pretend you are happy, can I give you some whacks?

It’s part of the service, helps you feel at home,

It’s even more helpful if you live alone.”

I said, “I am sick; I’m in need of help,

I don’t need more pills, or a back scarred with welts,

From your leather whip, or sharp high heeled shoes,

It does seem a kinky way, to lose the blues.”

“Medicine’s modern, we have wild new ways,

To help our dear clients, as long as they pay;

Sadistic Therapies are all the rage,

To help sick clients to write a new page,

In their book of progress, to have a new life,

We have many tools, to free you from strife,

Re-program your mind, in wondrous ways,

Shatter the program, as long as you pay.”

“Hey, I’m not a fool; I just need some help,

To deal with the madness, hit me and I’ll yelp;

So loud that your neighbours will run for the ‘phone,

To call the police, I think I should go home.”

“No, please, don’t leave yet, there’s more laughs to come,

Would you like shock treatment, it is lots of fun?

Or maybe you’d like, to be strapped for a while?

It helps with depression, induces a smile.”

“We bulk bill our clients, it’s plain you are poor,

She yelled as she raced me, toward open door;

Please don’t you leave me, please, please don’t you go,

I’m new at this trade and this clinic is slow.”

The doctor smiled strangely, and reached for her bag,

And that’s when I bolted, all hope of help sagged;

Like hot, wet spaghetti; I ran to escape,

My dream of assistance, knocked right out of shape.

Remember the doctors, may be just as sick.

As they say that you are, it’s only a trick,

To get some more visits, they all need our aid,

Go visit a ‘shrink’; it’s a lonely, sick trade.